Staying where you’re at? Or taking the risk of stepping into the unknown?
How much more suffering do you need to get ready to make that step?
The Point of No Return. Are you there yet? Sounds scary?
I understand.
But actually, it’s quite the opposite: it’s the point where keeping on doing what you were doing all along is no longer bearable.
The point at which you feel that you can’t ignore that inner voice anymore that screams “noooo!” and “stoooop!”
It’s the point when you know without a shadow of doubt, that, no matter what will happen when you actually make that first step into the unknown of the new, it will be better than staying in the old for even one more day.
I call it the Point of No Return when somebody says: whatever it takes to find my way out of this and however long it takes me to find it, I will keep on walking that path, because I will not stay where I’m at, no matter what the cost.
It’s absolute determination. Unconditionally.
That is precisely the point when things shift. When keys that were always hidden become accessible. When doors become available and start to open.
Truth is: as long as we only want change under the condition that it won’t hurt or that it won’t cost too much or that it won’t become uncomfortable, nothings going to move.
Because as long as you want something under any of these conditions, you don’t want it. The wanting only serves as an excuse that’s supposed to proof, that the change isn’t available for you. Ouch – maybe it hurts to hear that.
And we all know this well. It’s happening in many areas of our lives: we want to go on vacation but we don’t want to spend money for it. We want to eat the whole cake but we don’t want the possible effects this will have on our weight. We want to be in a relationship and in the same time have the freedom to do whatever we want without having to inform anyone. We want to lounge on the couch all day and earn a lot of money at the same time (ahh – that one I’m really good at!).
Why am I telling you all this?
I am currently working with a client who’s stuck in exactly that trap: she keeps sharing about how situations keep triggering her trauma and how difficult and exhausting it is every time to work herself out of them and regain more stability, only to get into the next situation that causes the same effect.
There’s no way she could avoid all these situations (and anyway, what kind of life would that be to constantly having to maneuver around all kinds of possible triggers?) and her inner state is that she has given up. Long ago actually. She accepted that this is how her life is and how it’s going to be for her until the end. That there’s nothing she can do or change about it.
At the same time, she never made a conscious decision not seek for help and do whatever is necessary to find it and make it work and change her life. To her, it feels like fate, like there’s nothing she (or anybody else) could do. That change is not available. Impossible.
And it’s true: as long as we believe that, change is out of our reach and impossible. It’s called a victim state.
And there’s no need to point fingers at others: we all have or had situations when we felt like that. The victim state is marked by the feeling of powerlessness (“there’s nothing I or anybody else could or would do”) and helplessness (“I have no idea if there could be a way out of this and if there was, where to find it or how to get help with it”).
All of us have experienced this state in our childhood at one point or another. And at that time this conviction that we can’t do anything about it was very true. Either because we didn’t know of all the possibilities that would be available, or we were too afraid of the consequences that would await us if we didn’t go along and keep quiet, or in our childhood world taking action and following our desires and changing things according to our needs simply wasn’t a reality. Things were the way they were. Period. Get over it.
My client is not at her Point of No Return yet. The pressure and the suffering are strong. But not strong enough yet for her to consider jumping into the unknown as a desirable option. She can still cope. She’s a strong survivor. Very often, those of us who are able to put up with the most suffering and are the best survivors, take the longest to get to our individual Points of No Return.
I know what I’m talking about – I’ve been one of them!
Reaching your personal Point of No Return doesn’t mean, that you know, how to save yourself and bring about the changes you need.
More often than not we don’t even have a clue and wanting the change appears like wanting something impossible. But when we reached that point, we want it anyway. And we have enough will and determination to hold onto that wanting, because we have realized, that letting go of that wanting for change would mean that however minimal the change for it to happen might seem, we denied it it’s chance to manifest and meet us.
Trusting, that change is possible, however unlikely and out of reach it might seem, is a choice that we can make.
I’m not talking about blindly trusting and giving away the ownership of a situation or our entire life. But the trust that keeps us walking towards the light, even if we can’t see it just yet.
Let me know, when you’re ready for the change that needs to happen in your life!
With love, Julia